Boys and Ghouls

Either this happened in class today, or I fell asleep again while teaching:

Brian Kim: TEACHER! LEO* HAS TURNED INTO ZOMBIE!



Teacher: So what, he's still more alive to me than you are.
Brian Kim: (with a Korean Whine) BUT TEACHER, HE WILL KILL ME!
Teacher: One could only dream...
Brian Kim: PLEASE TEACHER, I DON'T WANT LEO TO EAT ME!
Teacher: Don't worry, zombies only eat people with brains. You are safe.
* pronounced "Lay-O" for some gay-tit reason

In Digestion

How to make Brian KimChi

1. Get a Korean child who is an animated Cabbage Patch Kid. 2. Remove the Cabbage 3. Place in bowl. 4. Add powdered red pepper TIP #1: Go to the grocery store and search through the pile of peppers. Imagine they are a pair of pants and find the ones you feel would chafe you the most. 5. Mix in scholastic competitiveness, sunshine, belief in “fan death”, sickening adorability, and an obscene amount of national pride. 6. Let it ferment/marinate in smugness and academic intensity for 8 years. 7. Hawk up as much phlegm as you can and spit it in the bowl 8. You now have Brian KimChi TIP #2: Best served with a glass of Korean whine.